This job will eat you if you let it

In the last few days, I have seen about 140 episodes of Naruto, finished the first season of Criminal Minds. Before that, I also started New Amsterdam, continued the Vampire Diaries, Agents of Shield. I also finished Trese.

Praise, you know I'm not the beacon of rest. Two days ago, I was so tired that all I could do was write it out. Despite my impressive doings, I really haven't particularly rested.

Alongside this, I have developed partial insomnia, I find myself with very tiny compulsive behaviours usually from lack of sleep the night before, and incredible tiredness.

I want to be smart. I want do it right. I want to fill that new gap. I want to test that new experiment. I want to earn more. I want to clear my table. I want to not fail. I want to be the best. I sleep with it. I wake with it. I almost can't think of anything else on a random day.

Then, Elle said in Criminal Minds, "this job will eat you if you let it". Nah, it got me thinking that I took note of it. "This job will eat you if you let it".

If you let it. That's the determinant.

It's not the job's fault that you don't have time for family or relationships. It's not the job's fault that you can't get it done well. It's not the job's fault that the deadline is unrealistic. It's not the job's fault that you can't get it past the review stage.

To be frank, it's just what it is—the job.

Every other thing is up to you. You didn't call home is because you didn't want to call home. Your girlfriend can't find time to steal a peck is because you didn't let her. You can't get it done is because you don't know enough. It just won't get past the review stage is because you're either naive enough to pursue an idea they won't approve or inexperienced that you can't sell your idea.

Yet, that is not the point of the job eating you.

If all you have is the job, then you need to get a life. Be a novice at something. Free your mind. Learn again, genuinely. Ask questions. Find answers. Read.

Don't make the job about you. Don't make yourself about the job. The job is the job. You're a simply a point of expression for the job. If you didn't exist, the job would still get done.

Know when to stop. Know how to stop. Know how to recharge.

If there's anything I learned on Saturday, it is this. When you're spent, burnt out, determination won't get anything done.

Break your body limits incessantly, and you won't have a body to break more limits. Pace yourself. Take a break.

Falz sings that "we're all hypocrites", cos I won't fully take this advice, yet I know that it works.

For the most part of this month, I worked in hour fragments and it's been the best. Work 8 hours, rest 2 hours, with 15 min chunks within.

It's Monday, 40 hours of work. I'm looking forward to 10 hours of rest—34 hours for me because no work on the 30th, hopefully.

Rearranging my room right after this email btw. I'm feeling really weird about it. Wish me luck, Praise.

Ciao.

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