I am special
I have a story to tell you but I can't remember it.
You're not alone. This is what I've had to tell my girlfriend whenever I had a dream the night before. And yes, the story I want to tell you is a dream.
The only reason I remember it now is because I wrote the only line I could remember—and significantly the last line—on my iPhone 6 notes which, thank God for cloud storage, has been recovered on my current iPhone.
Funny enough, every time I read that line, which is countless, I also remember one tiny detail—the person who told me that line.
Asides this, I remember nothing else. Nothing!
I had this dream about 3 years ago. I cannot remember the scene nor the plot summary. The profound line that woke me up confused was:
"The time you'll need to use what you already have has not yet come".
Do I feel like Paul Atreides — the chosen Prince in Dune? Or like Richard Cypher in Legend of the Seeker? Or the popular Merlin, the wizard? Do I?
Actually, yes. I do.
I am special. And as much as I have the urge to say you are also special, the best I can tell you is that "you are unique". You'd have to discover your own special.
Maybe because my mum always called me "the Ark of God" when I was little—even though I'd later come to know that the said Ark was kidnapped later on, and today, can no longer be found.
Or maybe because my dad says I am different. Funny discovery—I really am not, yet.
But this dream has questions unanswered since I had it.
What do I have? What time? When will it come? How will I know? What will I use it for?
Don't get me wrong. I have an idea what it could be. In fact, I am terrified of the idea of what it could be. Cos I don't want it to be. I honestly don't. I don't want that possibility.
But looking at it objectively, the future looks set—if I consider myself someone who believe in dreams. If I can remember something, then it must be really important.
Here's what is true.
Since the time I had that dream, I have explored new sides to myself. I have embraced new abilities and shed old habits. I have gotten comfortable in my own skin, yet grown so insecure in my bones.
I feel everything but special.
So maybe the dream is another fluke. I have dreamt many flukes before. I just remembered one where I was gay for the entire span of the dream; I tried to wake up but it was like a nightmare. I was 13. shivers.
Any which way, I'll keep on doing what I know how—design.
Good morning.
PS:
If you need me to spoon-feed you the lesson of today's letter, here it is.
Don't worry about what you cannot control/understand especially when you've tried. Focus on what you can control/understand and do that.
The universe will catch up when it's ready.
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