Finding the sweet spot

Weird!

This is the second time in a row that I am choosing to write when I am stressed out.

Let me think. Hmmm.

I can't figure it out, but this seems to relax me—at the moment. 30 minutes ago, I was cracking my head at finding a third door to a certain timeline that seemed to have been oblivious of someone else's reality.

In case you don't know the expression "third door", another quote that explains a lot more better is from my favourite lawyer movie character, Harvey Specter. He said, "what are your choices when someone puts a gun to your head? You take the gun, or you pull out a bigger one. Or, you call their bluff. Or, you do any of a hundred and forty six other things.”

I want to write about compromise and finding the sweet spot. It's a hard job to do. You'd rather force an opinion than see a tiny ray of hope in the other party's opinion.

You probably don't like arguing a lot. No sane person should.

And you probably wonder, every time, why that argument even exists. You ask yourself why they just won't understand you; again, remaining oblivious of the fact that you probably don't understand them. You bang your head on the table (mentally), use analogies, references, examples—nothing! You tried asking questions (with the aim of shifting his position), you hit a solid rock.

Nothing!

In his book "Deep Work", Cal Newport talked about how no one wants to do deep work because shallow work is the easiest thing to do.

The same goes for compromise and finding the sweet spot. You don't because it is easier to "be right". It is easier to point someone as "wrong". It is easier to have an argument and scream at the top of your lungs, until you can no longer scream.

You can't lose to "them"; you're smarter than them, or they always think they are smarter than you. Today, you will show them different.

How's it gone for you? Are the burnout, lack of purpose, tiredness, and self-deprecation enough yet? No? How's the self-guilt too? Yes, the guilt you feel after a failed argument.

Note! If there's no goal, there's nothing to compromise for. If there's no point to the argument and dissent—there's nothing to compromise on.

To figure out if you should compromise, decide what the goal is — and more importantly, agree on it with the other party.

Next thing to note is that compromise is a one-way street. Do not give compromise because you expect it (unless if it is in service of the goal, e.g. negotiations). It is not a shared responsibility.

Choosing to compromise is picking what you can tolerate and ignoring your dissent about it. It is choosing to lack an opinion over a certain argument. It is choosing that it isn't important enough for you to be right.

On the other hand, finding the sweet spot is on the other extreme. It is taking (sometimes unorthodox) efforts to breed agreement. It is getting you and the other party to admit that both your opinions are true to yourselves but not strong enough to form an agreement.

The sweet spot is a collaborative effort to "yes"; you're not gaming the conversation to make them say "yes".

Every time you have a disagreement, it is good to decide which to do — compromise or find the sweet spot.

Here's how I decide.

Is this goal important to me? Yes! Is this goal important to them? Yes! Find the sweet spot.

Is this goal important to me? No! Is this goal important to them? Yes! Compromise.

Is this goal important to me? Yes! Is this goal important to them? No! Find the sweet spot.

Is this goal important to me? No! Is this goal important to them? No! Compromise.

Life is too short to always be right.

Enjoy.

Ciao.

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