All of the averages combine

Praise,

I love Leslie Liao. [1]

I promised myself I wouldn't start this letter with this, but I can't think of a better opener. To be honest, Praise, the first 5 sentences are the hardest to write in my letters.

Leslie is why I'm writing about this. I don't know Leslie, I'm sorry. I have just wasted three (or four) of my first five sentences. You're still reading, cool!

2024 is a school year for me. There's a lot of back-to-basics stuff that I'm revelling in right now — restarting this letter is one of them. I have made very intentional choices about the things I want to be good at, and the things I no longer prioritize as a part of my work [2] . I have made surprisingly easy, but initially hard decisions [3] , about design, life and work.

"If I am worth anything later, I am worth something now. For wheat is wheat, even if people think it is grass in the beginning"

I know what it is to be an adult, but I am only now learning to be independent. This thought is best described by Howard Roark [4] in his court testimony:

"There is no such thing as a collective brain. The man who thinks must think and act on his own. The reasoning mind cannot work under any form of compulsion. It cannot be subordinated to the needs, opinions, or wishes of others. It is not an object of sacrifice."

If you are anything like me, it means you constantly berate yourself and expect the best of yourself simultaneously. This usually degenerates in a vicious cycle that presents itself as impostor syndrome when in fact it's just plain, old misery. But my friend, Vincent, is right. If I think I can be my best someday, then I am the same person now with a time and skill difference. So it's no longer about me but about the time it takes and the skill it requires.

Having an immutable sense of value is the first thing being independent teaches you. Because your sense of worth comes from you, not from others and their expectations and requirements of you. It doesn't come from self-sacrifice or the adult need to serve others' needs.

"It's dark because you are trying too hard. Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even if you are feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them. I was so preposterously serious in those days … Lightly, lightly — it's the best advice ever given to me … to throw away your baggage and go forward. There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair. That's why you must walk so lightly. Lightly, my darling …"

Learning new things now is a different type of hard for me [5] . It is not as hard as it used to be. I very easily grasp concepts when I want to, and my toxic trait is the question, "how hard can it be?", and even when it shows me how hard it can be, I go on to say "it's only a matter of time."

The state of flow I am currently in is the best high I have had since 2018 when I started Brand Design (specifically). I am very obsessed with the new experiences, but at the same time enjoying every minute of this student phase. You know how we enjoy being a student in retrospect? I enjoy it now. It's all rainbows for me. That's how it is in my head. Nothing is that deep. Nothing is that hard. Nothing is particularly impossible.

"All of the averages combine." [6]

Praise, I started this letter with the intention of talking about being a specialist vs generalist [7] . But now, it doesn't matter.

2024 as a school year, shaping up to possibly become my best year yet, has very little to do with 2024, and everything to do with at least the last 10 years. The decision to go to church that Tuesday leading to my first design bootcamp. Choosing to do free work for a church my neighbour's friend attended and meeting FourthCanvas. Saying yes to work I'd never done before that led me to start a studio. Building Neptunn. Saying yes to sales even when I'd never done it before. Saying yes to a 2D game design project leading me to try out product design. Walking up to Ini Oluwa that night and getting Osamudiamen as part of the deal, who led to my role with Bloc. Staying so long in Bloc, and doing everything doable, leading to this moment.

It is all a cocktail of average, tiny moments that don't seem to matter. You, like me, are a graffiti of averages. A few things are excellent, and they stand out. But the remaining 80% is just averages. And all of the averages make you brilliant in your own way. They make up your own value — the one that makes you you. Not the one the world says you are.

If you're like me and you're doing something new, focus on the averages and let them accumulate over time. Enjoy the world. Enjoy yourself. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself be distracted. Work with your strengths. Make fun of and delegate your weaknesses. Reassess your interests, and invest your time and effort in the things that bring you joy. Give yourself permission to pivot away from the things that tire you out. [8]

"Yes, you will rise from the ashes, but the burning comes first. For this part, darling, you must be brave."